Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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