Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
