i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
