"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
