I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
