Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
