There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
