whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
