I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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