everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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