The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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