Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
