A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
