I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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