Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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