i wish starbucks made bloody marys
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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