i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
