hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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