Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
