I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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