The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you never un-have a 4some
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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