It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
