i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
