We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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