By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
