piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
