I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
