There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
