So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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