Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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