you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
