I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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