every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
