I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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