Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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