it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
