Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
