those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
