He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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