I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
