Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
