Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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