Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
