How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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