I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
