I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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