Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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