come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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