ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
