I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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