I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
