you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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