Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Randomize
