Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
