Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
