he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
