are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
