I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
